Tired...

Hello, friends! 

I'm tired. I'm really tired. 

Being stuck in the house most days because of COVID-19 has made me mentally tired. 

Processing the deaths of Ahmaud Arbury, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and James Scurlock has made me emotionally tired. 

Trying to lead the staff team in MPD training as they are processing everything that is happening in the world and realizing that in my own fallibility, that I can't do everything perfectly, is making me spiritually tired. 

Jonah not sleeping great and my back hurting because I'm bouncing him a lot through the night is making me physically tired. 

What does one do when one is so tired? My tendency is to turn to food. The joke in our house for Megan and me is that after a particularly hard day, it's an "ice cream" night. I'm pretty sure I've had ice cream nights every night this week. I've also been craving french fries, which I know means I'm under duress. 

But food doesn't quite cut it. After eating, I'm still hungry. Sleep won't fix everything (though it will help) because focusing on the physical isn't quite enough. 

Simply put, I need Jesus. I've been reading through the bible chronologically and just finished the part where Saul dies and David is made king over Israel. The big difference that I've noticed between Saul and David is that they each have a different source when it comes to their strength. 

For Saul, his strength comes from the people. So many times, Saul acts because the people were restless or because the people were mad. It was almost always the wrong decision. David, on the other had, is constantly inquiring of the LORD. Even when he thinks he knows the answer, he asks, and sometimes he gets surprised. 

As I'm going through this this time of deep tired, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to go to Jesus. There have been some moments when he's spoken really clearly to me and energized me. There have been times when I've fallen asleep waiting for an answer. Both of those are OK. 

Y'all, I'd love for you to pray for me. Pray for Megan too, because she's just as tired as I am. Pray that God would give us rest and not just sleep. Pray that he would restore us and not just heal us. Pray that he would speak to us and be Jehovah Jireh, the one who provides. Much appreciated. 

Have an excellent day! 

~Adam