Relationships After the Election...

Hello, friends! 

As you're reading this, the presidential election has yet to be decided. With that being said, I've been thinking the last few days about what life is going to be like after the election is certified and we either have 4 more years of the current administration or a new administration in the White House. Regardless of who wins, there are still some truths that will be true for the next 4 years and beyond. 

I've been seeing a lot of memes in the past few days that basically say the same thing: Just because we voted for different people, doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore. Whether it's a dude holding up a sign, stick figures in a cartoon, or whatever, the message is the same, and for the most part, the message is received well. 

But that message also has the potential to be super harmful and I would argue that it's actually unbiblical. 

We (I'm speaking for Christians here) are called to love one another and to love our neighbors as ourselves. That is pretty clear. The problem with memes like the ones referenced above, is that it conflates loving with being friends. Loving someone does not mean putting on a friendly face every time you see them or pretending that nothing is wrong. Loving someone does not mean forcing yourself into unhealthy environments for the sake of unity. Loving someone does not mean diminishing differences so that no feathers are ruffled.

One could also make the argument that Jesus says the exact opposite of "be friends no matter what." In Matthew 5, as part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says that if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. I'm paraphrasing here, but I interpret that to also mean, "if constantly being around someone, pretending that nothing is wrong makes it harder for you to love that person, stop hanging around that person!" It's OK to love from afar.  

There's also the problem of uneven value placed on the election. In a completely unscientific scan of my Facebook and Twitter feeds, the people who are posting these memes are predominantly folk for whose lives will not be drastically affected by the outcome of the election. It's easy to say "water under the bridge" when it's a game. For many of my friends, particularly my friends of color, this election had real emotional, mental, and spiritual costs. To insist that because the election is over, the trauma is over, and that things can go back to the way they were, is naïve at best, and harmful at worst. 

So, what does all this mean? To my friends who insist that everything should just go back to the way it was before the election and that everyone should just "get over it," please give those around you the space they need. Remember, relationships are two-way streets. You may be ready but they may not. 

For my (especially Christian) friends who are re-evaluating their relationships, my request is that you look for the best way for you to love your neighbor as yourself. That might mean cutting off the relationship. If so, be free in that and don't look back. That might mean continuing to lean in and having difficult conversations. If so, may God give you all the courage and strength you need. That might mean taking a break so you can reset. If so, may you be restored and refreshed by the Holy Spirit. Whatever you do, please keep love as your primary motivator. 

Have an excellent day! 

~Adam